The Grief of Diagnosis — and of No Diagnosis (Counselling Online and in Athlone)

A diagnosis can bring many things: answers, treatment, or even relief that your struggle finally has a name. But it can also bring grief.

Grief for your old body.Grief for the life you imagined.Grief for time lost to symptoms and uncertainty.

And sometimes, diagnosis doesn’t bring clarity at all. It can mean there is no treatment, that the illness is more complicated than expected, or that the reality is life-limiting or palliative. It can also bring grief when a diagnosis is not what you were expecting — instead of relief, it deepens the uncertainty.

The absence of a diagnosis can carry its own kind of grief. When you are still searching for answers, still being dismissed, still living with pain or symptoms without a clear name, that in-between space can feel especially heavy, and just as deserving of recognition.

The many layers of grief

• Loss of identity: who you thought you were, what you once could do.

• Loss of independence: needing help where you once managed alone.

• Loss of time: years spent waiting, seeking answers, or coping with uncertainty.

• Loss of future plans: careers, relationships, fertility, or travel.

• Everyday grief: small things like making tea, driving, or walking with ease.

• Loss of safety: the trust you once had in your body, or in the world around you.

Grief in illness is rarely neat or linear. It may come in waves, sit quietly in the background, or appear alongside laughter and joy. None of this means you are grieving “wrong.”

A gentle reflection

Sometimes it can help to name your grief, silently or on paper:

• “I grieve the time I lost.”

• “I grieve the future I imagined.”

• “I grieve the confidence I once had.”

There is no right or wrong way. Naming your grief doesn’t erase it, but it can lighten the weight, even if only a little.

Living with grief and compassion

Whether after a diagnosis, in the absence of a diagnosis, or when your medical journey brings unexpected or palliative news, grief is not something to “finish.” It is something to carry.

Therapy can help you carry it with kindness, while reminding you that grief and joy can co-exist — it is possible to hold both.

Closing

If you are grieving after a diagnosis, in the absence of a diagnosis, or because your medical journey has brought unexpected or life-limiting news, you do not have to carry that grief unseen.

I offer counselling in Athlone and online across Ireland — a space where your grief can be acknowledged and held with compassion.